My Lie In September
by FictionBeatsFact
Summary: A few months after Kaori Miyazono passed away, Kousei Arima still feels her loss in his new college. Following him around as she promised, Tsubaki fights the urge to tell Kousei her true feelings. With emotions high and secrets dying to be released, a single lie is told. One more lie. Just one more. And everything will change.
1. 1: Life After Your Lie

1: Life After Your Lie

 _Kousei Arima..._

 _I love you._

The words still ring in his ears. The thought bounces around his mind. The ink burns into his eyes. Every atom in his body screams with sorrow.

April without Kaori Miyazono has come and gone. That final duet they performed is nothing but a distant memory, his pleads for her to stay merely whispers in a wind a million miles away. The once beautiful and vibrant world has been reduced to the monotone dullness from before he met her.

The photo she gave him rests in a frame next to his bed, it is the first thing he sees every morning and the last thing he sees every night. Kousei pinned the letter to his noticeboard the day he moved into his new apartment, along with photos of his friends and family. Over time, the board grew and filled, some photos were replaced but the letter never moved. The tears have stained and smudged the ink. Kousei never looks at it, never touches it, but never forgets it.

If he did, she would come back to haunt him.

* * *

Today is the first time he has played Piano in months. The last time was with Hiroko and Nagi, since then he has never had the chance. Homework and studying always took up his spare time and the rare chances he had to play, he could never muster a few notes before being reminded of her. The only way he had played with Hiroko was because of her adorable daughter cheering him on.

Now, he's going to play the Piano again. Chopin's Nocturne Op.9 No.2. Everyone is waiting, Tsubaki, Watari, Hiroko, even Nagi. His hands don't shake, the light blue blazer he wears just kiss the sides of his hands. The notes fly around in his head, he breathes out sharply to get rid of any uneasy feelings. Then he plunges onto the stage.

 _I haven't even properly practised._ Kousei thinks. _I know the notes off by heart but I've not been able to apply them._

The crowd becomes silent in anticipation, far at the back sits Tsubaki, her brown eyes widening at the sight of him. _Please don't mess this up_. She hopes. _I know you've not been practising._ Kousei sits at the piano, the white and black keys seem to go on forever, every one of them with its own sound. Everybody is waiting. Waiting for the Human Metronome to play however he likes. Just the way Kaori liked.

He breathes in, raised his hands to the keys and...

"Elohim, Essaim. Elohim, Essaim. I Implore you"

His fingers work calmly, pressing the keys lightly but with more power behind them than he can wish for. Nocturne Op.9 No.2 is calm, tranquil, beautiful. Kousei's heart skips a beat when he sees her standing at the edge of the stage once more, Violin in hand. Her dress is as elegant as before, her hair as bright as the day they played together. It's hard for Kousei not to stop playing, she looks back at him with those beautiful blue eyes and begins playing alongside him.

They play for what feels like an eternity and when they finish, she doesn't burst apart like before. This time, she fades away, her eyes locked onto his with a small smile, the colour that momentarily returned dying down miserably, the warm tears flicking down Kousei's face.

* * *

"Kousei! That was fantastic!" Watari yells as he sees Kousei trying to leave. Watari runs up behind him and slings an arm around him. "How did you play that without practising?" Kousei stops walking looks at him.

"Who told you I haven't been practising? I-I mean it's not like I haven't practised, I've been reading the sheets, just not playing it." Kousei blabbers, his gaze shifts to Tsubaki not far behind him.

"I came to visit you and I heard you playing," Tsubaki tells Kousei. "But then you stopped and didn't start again." She looks up at him. "I could tell just by looking at you that you haven't been practising, Kousei Arima." Kousei tries to brush it off and changes the subject, but although Watari seems to have already forgotten, Tsubaki doesn't seem to have let it go. Kousei gives his best smile and walks off with Watari. So far, he has done his best to appear okay in front of his friends, especially Tsubaki, now that she visits him regularly like she promised.

 _I'm going to stay with you forever and ever, like your guardian angel!_

The thought still makes Kousei laugh, the two of them have been inseparable since childhood and Tsubaki has made it her mission to make sure it stays that way, even if it means moving to a tiny flat a few blocks away. Kousei had suggested that they share an apartment, but the thought made her blush and she refused.

"You aren't going to check if you won?" Tsubaki asks, Kousei turns to look at her, a small melancholy smile on his face.

"Not really, it doesn't matter to me," he tells her. "I just... wanted to play again, after everything." Tsubaki chews the inside of her cheek. _After everything._ She watches Kousei as he walks off with Watari. _I heard you stop playing, but I couldn't stop myself from hearing you cry._

 _And I couldn't stop myself from hearing you talk to her._

 _That's why you didn't practice, isn't it? You see her whenever you play, I bet you saw her when you performed._

 _I'm so sorry._

* * *

"WHERE WERE YOU?" Hiroko's voice blares from Kousei's phone. "WE WAITED TWENTY MINUTES FOR YOU TO SEE US AND YOU ALREADY LEFT! YOU GOT FIRST PLACE YOU KNOW, YOU BET AIZA AND IGAWA AGAIN, DO YOU EVEN CARE?" The fierceness in her voice seems to make the phone twitch.

"S-Sorry Hiroko," Kousei manages to put in once she calms down. "I got caught by Tsubaki and Watari and they took me to the café and—"

"Kousei," Hiroko says. "They were looking for you too. Aiza and Igawa. They wanted to congratulate you for winning." _Takeshi and Emi wanted to congratulate me? That's not like them. They're friendly rivals, but...not that friendly._

"I'm..." Kousei searches for an answer. "It didn't matter to me whether I won or not, I just wanted to play. I'm a musician after all." There is a moment of silence over the phone, he sits on his bed, the photo of Kaori staring at his back.

"You always did that, even when you thought winning would save your mother," she says with an almost happy tone in her voice. "You're so boring, Kousei Arima." This makes Kousei laugh slightly. They continue their conversation for a while, talking with Hiroko was always an easy thing to do. There's never been anything for him to hide, never anything she couldn't see in his eyes. When they hang up, Kousei hears a small knock on his door. When he opens it, he sees Tsubaki holding a small glass trophy in her hands with Kousei's name engraved on it in small letters at the bottom.

"You went back?" Kousei says when he sees it.

"Yes," she tells him. "And if you say you don't want it, then I'll take it and shove it so far up your—"

"Okay! Okay. I'll take the trophy!" he stops her. The look of anger in her eyes passes and he invites her in. She sits awkwardly on his sofa, the glass trophy now sat on his the table, Kousei goes about making some tea for her. His piano sits near the window to Tsubaki's right, the lid is closed and an almost invisible layer of dust has begun to form. _Music has left you again, but not in the way it was before. This is almost worse._ Tsubaki thinks. Kousei returns with two mugs in hand, steam pouring from the top.

"You're not just here because of the trophy, are you?" Kousei asks, sitting down next to Tsubaki. _I'm here because I'm worried about you_. She almost tells him.

"Why weren't you practising?" she asks him.

"Does it matter? I won anyway," Tsubaki smacks him over the head.

"You idiot!" she yells. "You won't win every time if you don't practice! You're lucky you didn't screw up!" Kousei falls back, rubbing his head and trying to keep her from hitting him even more. After she calms down, she sips at her tea.

"Tsubaki I..." Kousei searches again. "I tried to practice, I really did. It's just..." for a moment, nobody speaks, Kousei looks at the tea in his hands.

"It reminds you of her doesn't it?" Tsubaki says, Kousei looks up, jaw clenched slightly. He closes his eyes and breathes in, this is the first time they've properly talked about Kaori since she died.

"Yeah," he admits finally. "It's not like with my mother, it's just... she brought me back. Back from that ocean I was stuck under. I can't just let go of that yet." The air is filled with silence once more, Tsubaki chews her lip.

"Kousei..." she says. "Are you sure you're okay? Be honest." Kousei thinks for a moment, taking a longer sip from his tea, the heat scalding his tongue.

"Yes, I'm...okay," Kousei lies.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **This is basically going to act as a pilot. There'll be no rushing this story should I continue because I REALLY don't want to ruin it. Please tell me what you think!**


	2. 2: One Lie

2: One Lie

"So how're things with you and Kousei?" Kashiwagi asks. They sit on a bench a few blocks from Tsubaki's apartment, Kashiwagi guards some small bags filled with clothes and assorted treats. Tsubaki idly bites at a popsicle, the flavour sweetening her mouth. Unable to stop herself, she blushes. Normally, when Kashiwagi would bring up Kousei, Tsubaki would say something to dismiss her and pretend not to have feelings for him. But since that day when they hid from the rain, the thought of Kousei makes Tsubaki feel clumsy and foolish.

"What do you mean?" she replies, her shoulders tensing slightly and brushing a lock of hair aside to try and hide her brightening face. In front of them is a baseball field the two of them have been debating whether to play on.

"You know what I mean," Kashiwagi tells her, rolling her eyes. Tsubaki sighs, giving up.

"He didn't practise for his performance the other day," she says finally. "Imagine the things that could have gone wrong!"

" _Did_ anything go wrong?" Kashiwagi asks, Tsubaki hesitates for a second.

"Well, no"

"Then does it matter?" she raises her eyebrows.

"Of course it does! What if he doesn't know the notes right? What if he gets the tempo wrong?" Kashiwagi sighs as Tsubaki lists off all of the things that could have gone wrong. Since she moved to the same city as Kousei, Tsubaki and Kashiwagi found it hard to stay connected, but they manage to talk to each other in person whenever possible.

"You can't force him to practice, Tsubaki," she tells her. "All you can do is be there for him. Like you always have." This strikes Tsubaki. _Like I always have._ She thinks. _I can't be there for him the way I want to._

"You think I don't want to be there?" Tsubaki asks. "He doesn't want me there! He's so lonely, and he keeps shutting me out. So—"

"So don't let him," Kashiwagi tells her simply. "You said you'd stay with him forever, so do it. Be with him whether he likes it or not." _Like your guardian angel._ "Don't let him shut you out, or you can't help him."

* * *

The once green and vibrant leaves have begun to glow a faint yellow, the first sign of the approaching Autumn. Soon, the road and pavement will be covered in the dead plant and the temperature will drastically fall. Kousei walks with his hands in his pockets, looking down at his shoes as they fall in front of one another.

 _Stop looking down!_ A voice calls from inside him. Willingly, Kousei lifts his head up, half expecting to see her like he always used to when walking home. Peering at some tree or stroking a stray cat. The memory makes Kousei smile, but lingering on it brings a pit in his stomach and his smile fades.

The sun has begun to set, the beautiful oranges and reds seem pale and yellow to Kousei. Before he can think, he realises that he is about to walk into somebody. Only when he dodges out of the way, does the person look up and he sees Emi's surprised eyes.

"Emi?" Kousei almost doesn't recognise her. Instead of her long red dress he always sees her wearing, she wears a blue hoodie and some dark trousers. "Don't you live on the other side of town now?"

"Yeah, I was...visiting a friend," Emi says. Kousei is about to say something else before she interrupts him. "Why didn't you accept your trophy the other day?" There is a moment of silence.

"It wasn't about winning for me," Kousei tells her. "I shouldn't be playing to win. I should be playing because...because I'm a musician." Emi's usual scowl softens, then hardens again.

"Other people were playing to win! They put as much effort into learning it as you did!" _I hope not_. Kousei thinks. "You could have had the decency to accept the trophy!"—Emi looks down for a moment—"See you at school Kousei." She's walking away when he calls for her.

"Emi!" she looks back. "Sorry?" He tries. After a moment, she smiles slightly. Then she continues walking away.

 _"She's nice,"_ a voice says as Kousei turns around. She stands in front of him, holding her violin case in front of her, her skin as bright as the day he met her. Those eyes pierce him through the heart. _"You haven't forgotten me already, have you?"_ She smiles the kindest smile Kousei has seen. Unable to meet her eyes, he lowers his head and walks forward, almost able to hear her skipping alongside him.

* * *

Movie night has become a weekly tradition for Kousei, Tsubaki, Kashiwagi and Watari. This week, it was Kousei's turn to provide a movie to watch. Watari always provides food, stuffing everyone with sweets and popcorn. Throughout, Kousei's mind is a million miles away, he barely even notices Tsubaki's head pushing against his arms, her breathing heavy.

 _You've not forgotten me already? Have you?_

 _If I did, you'd come back to haunt me._ Kousei thinks. The movie blurs past Kousei, his senses never really seem to concentrate on it and he doesn't know what is happening.

 _"You're so unfocused,"_ she says, leaning against the wall, next to the television. _"When was the last time you concentrated?"_ She asks.

"Not for a long time," Kousei hears himself say calmly.

 _"Then you should try harder!"_ She yells, eyebrows frowning. _"You can't use me as an excuse anymore Kousei Arima!"_ There is a few moments before Kousei thinks of something to reply with.

"Please," he pleads. "Just let me move on." His voice trembles, she shakes her head.

 _"I live inside of you,"_ she tells him. _"Remember?"_ When the movie ends, Watari finished off the rest of the sweets, shoving them into his mouth before anyone else can grab any.

I enjoyed that more than I thought I would!" He declares, Kashiwagi shrugs.

"It was okay," she says. When Watari asks what she means, she explains. "Well, there was no real resolution. We don't get to know what the characters do after everything happened. There was so many loose ends that could have been tied up."

"Maybe that was the point," Kousei suggests, standing up. "Maybe it doesn't matter what happens after. Maybe all that matters is the story itself." Kashiwagi shrugs complacently. They talk for a while about school, Watari decided to go to a normal college in the nearby town so there would be easier access to his friends. Kashiwagi managed to get into an all girls school a few miles away. After hearing this, Watari somehow found an excuse to visit her, something Kashiwagi deemed as an attempt to prey upon the girls there.

"Hey Kousei, are there any girls at _your_ school?" Watari asks.

"Yes, but a lot of them are like Emi," Watari had managed to meet Emi after one of her performances. He didn't leave a good first impression and he was left lying on the ground with more than a few bruises after he hit on her.

Kashiwagi and Watari leave first, hoping to catch the closest train. As they leave, Kousei hears Watari begin one of his "professional flirtation techniques" the thought of this working manages to make him laugh a little. Tsubaki helps Kousei pick up the rubbish left behind.

"Did you enjoy the movie," Kousei asks eventually. She thinks for a moment.

"Yeah, it was...good," she tells him.

"Really? Because I could swear that you were asleep for half of it," he jokes. This makes Tsubaki laugh.

"Sorry," she says.

"Well, I guess I'll get a better movie next time," Kousei says. Tsubaki picks up a wrapper off the floor, when she stands up, something catches her eye. A small notice-board littered with photographs of Kousei's friends and family, but what attracts Tsubaki's attention the most is the unfolded piece of paper in the middle. _It can't be._ She thinks.

"Kousei, wh-what's that?" she asks, afraid to know the answer. He notices what she looks at and reaches to grab it, but Tsubaki is closer and carefully takes it from the board. Reading the letter, Tsubaki knows exactly the person who wrote it, every word is exactly what she would say. Every word seems to float off the paper and into her eyes, stinging them with emotion. As she goes further down the paper, Kousei notices Tsubaki mouthing something. Just two words.

 _One lie._

Everything after that is a blur of tears Tsubaki can't control, but she powers on until the very end, noticing the tear marks already on the paper.

"Tsubaki," Kousei says, knowing she has finished. "I—"

"You didn't tell anyone?" She interrupts him, her voice breaking in her throat.

"No," he says finally.

"You didn't think to tell Watari that his _whole_ relationship with K...Kaori was a lie?" Tsubaki can barely hold herself together. "You couldn't tell _m...me_?"

"No," Kousei says again. Hearing Kaori's name again strikes a nerve that hurts him to the core and makes him want to cry with her. "I couldn't tell anyone, I couldn't bring myself to." Tsubaki can't think, the tears falling down her cheeks are draining all of the power out of her.

"Why...why do I even _try_ with you?" she asks herself. "What's the point? I can't get through to you!" She looks back at the letter once more. "What did she leave you? It says she left you something, what was it?" Kousei can't look her in the eyes.

"Picture next to my bed," he tells her. After a moment, she moves to the bedroom and finds the photograph. She's there, smiling, alive, happy. And Kousei almost hides in the background, leaving as fast as he can.

"Tsubaki—"

"Don't. Okay? Just don't," without a second thought, Tsubaki rushes out of the room and out of the apartment. When the door closes, Kousei breaks down into a fit of sobs. He leans against the wall, the tears dripping onto the carpet.

 _One lie._

 _That's all it took_

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed! I got a tonne of feedback on Fanfiction. Thank you very much!**  
 **Onto more serious business. With this story, I'm trying to tie up the loose ends left at the end of the show. Things that I wish we'd (canonically) have seen in some form. I guess that's kind of the point of Fanfiction.**


	3. 3: Don't Give Up

3: Don't Give Up

The tears feel hot on Tsubaki's face as she practically runs down a set of stairs that blur past her until she finds herself outside, the cool air making her chin quiver more than it actually is. She can hear footsteps behind her as the words from Kaori's letter swim in her head.

 _I love you._

 _Of course she did._ Tsubaki tells herself. _Why was I so stupid!_ The footsteps behind her get closer until they stop, the doors to Kousei's apartment building slide open. The night sky is brimming with stars, they shine so brightly and beautifully that they distract Tsubaki for the briefest moment, she forgets the letter, her tears, she almost forgets the person behind her until he talks.

"Tsubaki," Kousei says, his voice quivering. She turns slowly, her tears still rolling down her cheek. Tsubaki can tell Kousei has been crying too, the letter obviously bringing back some unwanted emotions. "I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you." He wipes his nose, the cold always makes his nose run, Tsubaki remembers.

"You should have told me," she tells him. "You keep shutting me out so I can't talk to you anymore. I can't _do_ this anymore." A few moments pass before she speaks again. "I give up." Her heart screams with resistance, begging her to stop. Tsubaki turns and begins to walk home before she can change her mind. This time, Kousei doesn't follow her.

 _She lied._

 _To Watari._

 _To Kousei._

 _To me._

 _She lied to everyone._

 _What else did she keep?_

 _Could she have sent a letter to Watari, too?_

 _As well as us?_

* * *

Last Winter

One day after

Tsubaki's head swims. She has finished crying, her tears are dried up and her sobbing has subsided. _She's gone._ Tsubaki thinks, unable to grasp the concept. Somehow, Kaori had always seemed so strong. So resilient. So happy. Even in the end, she never appeared weak.

But she had died. And Kousei was been nowhere to be found. When she had heard the news from Watari, she had eventually gone with him to look for Kousei. It seemed hopeless. Futile. She is gone and there is nothing they can do about it but look for Kousei to console him.

They find him on the floor in his house. He shivers from the cold and Tsubaki drapes a blanket over him, the carpet is damp and his cheeks are red and puffy. He wears the clothes we wore the day before at the competition. He looks almost peaceful, yet if they wake him, Tsubaki knows he'll end up crying again. It's hard for Tsubaki to imagine Kousei crying, the thought is terrifying. To imagine the person she wants to be with crumble and shatter the way he is stabs at Tsubaki's heart.

"Should we wake him?" Watari asks, keeping his voice low.

"No," she says after a moment. "Let's go." Tsubaki gets up, creeping her way away from Kousei, who twitches slightly every few moments. They leave the house and Tsubaki walks the short distance to her house. Just outside of her house, Watari calls for her.

"Tsubaki," he looks down at the ground in front of her. After a moment, he reaches into his back pocket and produces a small envelope. "She...she told me to give this to you." A pit of dread opens up in Tsubaki's stomach as she takes it from Watari and he says goodnight. she glances back at Kousei's house nervously before heading inside. Tsubaki turns the envelope over, in the middle is a small cat sticker and the words "Kaori Miyazono" written on it. Slowly and carefully, Tsubaki takes the sticker from the paper and opens it.

 _Tsubaki,_

 _If you're reading this, then I didn't get a chance to say it. I know that whatever the outcome of this operation, I won't live the same life you will. I won't live to the same age as you, I won't come close to it. But I know that I'm able to do one thing now, I can live in other people's hearts._

 _You've been the best of friends to me for the short time I've known you. It was plain to see that I made you jealous getting close to Kousei the way I was. It was fast. It was too much. But I knew that this illness was going to kill me whether I wanted to or not, so I made it my mission to live in somebody's heart before I leave._

 _But this isn't why I'm writing to you. The truth is...you love Kousei. You might deny it. Even to yourself, but you do. Everybody at school knows it. Watari knows it. I know it. The only people who don't are you and Kousei. You've both ignored it your whole life and it's almost destroyed your friendship._

 _The thing is, me dying...it's going to destroy Kousei. He probably won't show it. He'll hide it from everyone, even himself. So I'm only going to ask one thing of you when I go. Please look after him. Be there for him, even when he doesn't want it. If he stops playing, glue music sheets to the walls and put them on his phone. If he cries, be there for him to cry with. Be there for him like a guardian angel, whether he likes it or not._

 _One day, he'll get over me. He'll move on. And when he does, tell him how you feel. He loves you. Of course he does, he just doesn't know it yet. Don't give up on him. Please, don't give up. It might seem hopeless, but one day things will be right. I just know it._

 _Goodbye Tsubaki, I know you were jealous, but that's okay. I'm just passing through. Sorry to have been such a bother. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for leaving. Please, just don't give up on Kousei. Thank you._

 _See you in another life._

 _Kaori Miyazono._

The tears came after the first paragraph. By the end, her sobs had turned to cries. Not just because of her mourning of Kaori, but she knows that every word about Kousei is true. Tsubaki makes a silent promise to fulfil Kaori's wish.

 _Like a guardian angel._

* * *

Now

The letter is hidden under a pile of clothes still unpacked from when she moved in. She's never dared to look at it since and Watari had never asked a word about it. Tsubaki closes her door behind her and slumps down to the ground, her trousers graze the bottom of her chin, her tears have subsided. She faces the bedroom, almost looking at the pile of clothes.

 _Did Watari give Kousei his letter too?_ Her mind thinks slowly, unable to gain speed. The words in Kaori's letter have long since faded from her mind but she still remembers what she wanted. Tsubaki's bedroom is clouded with darkness, she only then realises that she is tired. Her eyes droop closed slowly, leaving her in a different kind of darkness, one that's barren, isolated. A darkness that leaves Tsubaki on her own, taken from everyone and everything and dropping her here.

 _Like a guardian angel._

 _But he doesn't want my help._

 _Does he?_

In some recess of her mind, Tsubaki manages to pull at a thread of thought.

 _He loves you. Of course he does, he just doesn't know it yet._ Suddenly, her eyes snap open and before she knows it, she's crawling towards the pile of clothes and digging her hands beneath the fabrics. She tears them apart trying to find the letter. Eventually, her fingers brush paper and she yanks the letter from under the clothes.

She reads it.

She reads it again.

She reads it again.

She reads it again.

* * *

 **This chapter took longer than expected. Mostly because I've had mock exams to deal with, also because of a lack of motivation and creativity.**


	4. 4: A New Competition

4: A New Competition

"Why did she get so mad?" Watari asks Kousei, they sit on a set of benches viewing Tsubaki's baseball game. Everyone has come to see her play, even her parents. As they had gathered before the game started, Tsubaki had never even glanced at Kousei, almost as if he wasn't even there.

"It doesn't matter," Kousei tells him, pushing his glasses back up his face. On the pitch, Tsubaki walks up to her place, baseball bat in hand. Seeing her look so determined after everything makes Kousei's heart almost skip.

" _She's still thinking about you, you know,_ " _she_ says, standing at the other end of the pitch, her blonde hair swaying in the wind. " _Even if it doesn't seem like it._ " Kousei ignores her focussing on Tsubaki and only Tsubaki. The pitcher throws the ball hard and for a moment, it seems like it's going to miss. Then, Tsubaki swings with all her might and there is a deafening _clank,_ the ball goes flying in the other direction.

"So how is Nagi doing?" Kousei asks. Seto shrugs, struggling to keep her daughter within her arms, who waved her arms trying to grasp at Kousei's piano.  
"She learns fast. She's taken on some of your techniques with the piano," she reflects. "I wish she could have come, but she has school."  
"It's okay," Kousei says. "I don't want to get in the way of her work." Kousei takes a sip of his tea, in the corner of his eye, he can see _her_ waving at Koharu, a bright smile on her beautiful face.  
"Oh!" Hiroko exclaims suddenly. "Nagi told me to tell you that there's a double piano competition near her school next week. She says she signed you up for it with her." For a moment, it doesn't register in Kousei's head.  
"Wait, what?" He says eventually. "She signed me up without asking me? I can't just play with that little of a warning!"  
"It's fine," Hiroko tells him. "You'll get to see Takeshi and Emi there too. They're going to compete."  
"But I need time to learn a piece! I can't do all that in a week!" Suddenly, Kousei's phone begins ringing. He takes it out and looks at who is calling. It's Nagi. He puts it up to his ear.  
"Listen here, Arima Kousei!" Her voice yells through the tiny speaker. "You _are_ going to play with me next week whether you like it or not!" In the background, Kousei can hear giggling, then, "No, not in that way!" She tells the people, Kousei can almost feel her blushing.  
"Nagi? How did you know we were talking about the competition?" He asks.  
"I had a feeling you were talking about it," she tells him. "It sounds like such a cliché, but it's true." Hiroko looks confused at the phone, Kousei replies with an equally bewildered look. "Anyway, I already have the piece picked out, I gave it to Seto-San and you _will_ practise it for next week"  
"And if I don't?" Kousei asks.  
"Urgh! You're going to do it anyway, Kousei, so stop resisting!" Nagi then hangs up. He places the phone down and looks at Hiroko, who pulls out a booklet with music sheets inside. Kousei inspects the title.  
"Sonata For Two Pianos by Mozart" he reads out loud. He flicks through the pages, of which there are many. "How am I supposed to learn all of this?" Hiroko places a hand on Kousei's shoulder, smiling.  
"By practising. Only this time, without playing it with Kaori"

* * *

Nervously, Tsubaki knocks on Kousei's door. _What will he think?_ She wonders. Idly, she brushes her brown hair back with her fingers and wipes her sweaty palms on her trousers. She waits there for minutes wondering when he will appear, or if he's ignoring her. Eventually, she manages to catch a stray note muffled from the inside of the apartment. When Kousei moved in, he soundproofed one of the rooms and put his piano inside it. Meaning he can't hear anything outside.  
 _It's settled then._ Tsubaki realises.  
 _I'm breaking in._  
She eventually settles for picking the lock as opposed to kicking the door down. She walks inside, able to hear the piano being played a little better than before.  
When she knocks on the door to the soundproofed room, Tsubaki can hear Kousei missing a few keys in surprise. He opens the door slowly.  
"Tsubaki?" He says, surprised. She doesn't look him in the eye.  
"Hi," she chews her lip. "Can we talk?"  
"Sure, but I kind of _need_ to practice this piece or Nagi is going to murder me so..."  
She sits next to him on the stool as he analyses his music sheets carefully.  
"You're entering another competition?" Tsubaki asks eventually.  
"Not because I want to," he tells her, after a moment, he speaks again. "What did you want to talk about?"  
"I just wanted to say sorry for not talking to you lately," she says. "I've been swamped with school and baseball." He shrugs.  
"It's okay," for a moment, Tsubaki notices him chewing the inside of his lip, something he only does when he's hiding something.  
"It's not just that," she tells him. "I...I wanted to say sorry for being a bad friend." Kousei finally looks up at that. "Since Kaori died, all I did was try to make you forget. I couldn't let you really grieve." Saying her name makes him flinch slightly. "I just...I want to let you know. I want to be a better friend to you" it takes a while for Kousei to reply, it's obvious he isn't paying attention to the music sheets anymore.

"I don't think I want you to be a better friend, Tsubaki," he says. "I just want you to be here." he waits a moment. "I lied"

"What?"

"When I said that I'm okay," he tells her. "I wasn't. I'm still not. I don't know if I ever will be." he looks down, and it takes Tsubaki a moment for her to realise that he's sobbing. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Tsubaki." tears fall onto the music sheets, making the ink smudge slightly. Instinctively, Tsubaki wraps her arms around Kousei, he cries into her shoulder. Unable to compose herself, she cries back, the tears staining Kousei's shirt. They stay like that for the next few minutes until the tears subside and they break apart.

"I...I should get going, I need to study for a while," Tsubaki says eventually.

"Me too, I need to learn these sheets by next weeks," Kousei readjusts his glasses and wipes his cheeks.

But neither of them make a move to leave.

* * *

Emi learnt the music sheets easily. She is going to play alongside Takeshi to try and beat Kousei and Nagi. They only agreed to participate together because Takeshi was too embarrassed to ask anybody to play against his sister, and Emi sacrificed any chance of friendship to get Arima Kousei to notice her.

Emi presses her fingers on the keys fast. So fast, Takeshi can't keep up. He misses a key, knocking her off and sending the piece into a disarray of notes.

"Are you dense?" Emi asks, half yelling. "The least you could do is not half-ass this!"

"At least I'm not playing at the speed of sound!" Takeshi replies at the other end of his piano opposite her's. Behind her, Emi hears a voice.

"Please! For once, stop arguing!" Hiroko says, her eyebrows furrowed together and her eyes tired.

"Sorry, Seto-sama!" Emi says, looking away from Takeshi. "I just...want to get this right before the competition begins." Hiroko sighs.

It's bad enough you force me to keep my teaching you from Kousei," she says. "But do you _have_ to make more noise fighting that playing the piano?" They both apologise and begin playing again. This time, Emi plays slower for Takeshi, taking more consideration into the keys she's playing. When they finish, Hiroko sets down the cup of coffee in her hand and stands up. "You two have almost completely different play styles." She tells them finally. "Takeshi, you play with far too much anger. Emi, you're trying not to show your emotion through your playing, but it's slipping through. If you can't match up the way you play, you're going to sound like you don't know what you're doing. I'd suggest fixing that before the competition." Emi looks at Takeshi from across the pianos

"We'll talk about it," Emi tells her.

"Good," Hiroko says. "Try not to kill each other when you do." She picks up her things and leaves the two of them on their own.

"Why are you doing this?" Takeshi asks eventually.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," he snaps back. "Why are you so determined to do whatever Arima Kousei does?" Emi looks down.

"Because I want hm to see me," she tells him after a long pause, she fiddles with the keys on the piano. "I want him to see how I feel." There's another awkward pause. "What about you?"

"I'm not doing whatever he does!" he says.

"Oh please. You've entered every competition he has since you first laid eyes on him," she tells him. "Why?" He sighs.

"Because I want to beat him," he says. "Just once, I want to beat Arima Kousei and prove to him that I'm better." He pauses. "I need to beat him at least once before I quit next year"

* * *

 **A/N: This chapter was a lot less emotional than the last few, I'm letting it cool off for a while before I go for it again. Also, thank you to everybody who followed, favourited, and reviewed. It makes writing this much easier!**


	5. 5: Practice Makes Perfect

5: Practice Makes Perfect

Nagi practised with Kousei every day after he agreed. Since he last saw her, Nagi's hair has grown longer and she has gotten taller. One thing that hasn't changed about her, however, is her obsession with the sticking to the sheets.

Kousei has become used to letting the piano guide him through the music, to feel the emotion course out of his fingers and flow onto the keys. Yet Nagi can't seem to let it in. She plays the piano robotically and in such a way that it reminds Kousei of himself, before everything. Before...

"Hey!" Nagi yells from her piano opposite his. "Stop daydreaming! You missed a key!" Her face snarls in a fake show of aggression.

"It's okay to miss a key, you know," he tells her. "You just have to make up for it." She doesn't look convinced at this.

"You won't have to make up for it if you don't miss it in the first place!" she yells. They sit in a large auditorium, Hiroko booked the stage so the two could practise with two pianos. Kousei's eyes hurt from staring at the sheets and the black and white keys all day.

"Maybe we should take a break," Kousei says after another outburst by Nagi, stepping away from the piano before she can object. "I'm hungry, let's eat!". reluctantly, she agrees. They grab their bags and leave the auditorium. Kousei sits down on a bench, reaches into his bag, and produces an egg salad sandwich.

"Umm," Nagi stands a few feet away. "I didn't bring any food." Without thinking, Kousei hands over some of his sandwich, she sits down and takes a tentative bite of it. "Mmm!" the noise comes without her realising it. Kousei's face lights up.

"Right? This egg salad sandwich is light on the mayo and light on the salt, which brings out its sweetness to the max!" Nagi backs away from him slowly, a horrified look on her face. "And since they get these range free eggs directly from the farms, you can say it's the ultimate egg salad sandwich, seeking to capture the splendid taste of the egg itself!" When Kousei finally stops talking about the quality of his sandwich, he notices Nagi's face. "Oh, sorry. I'm a bit too enthusiastic."

 _"You always were, even about the smallest things,"_ Kaori whispers in his ear, he hears her giggling the same way she used to.

"It's okay," Nagi says eventually, taking another bite of the sandwich. They eat in silence, Kousei tries to not look in the direction of the beautiful ghost haunting him. "Hey, Kousei?" Nagi says, breaking the awkward silence. "You know my brother's playing in the same competition as us, right?"

"Yeah," he replies. _He's always been obsessed with being better than me, so I at least know why he's_ _performing here, and not somewhere overseas, where he should be._

"Do you know who his partner is?" Kousei nods. _I don't even know why Emi would even pair up with Takeshi, never mind why she would play here._ "It's going to be one awkward night." Nagi states, making Kousei laugh.

"The two of them are alright," Kousei reassures her. "They're more friendly rivals than anything." Nagi frowns at Kousei when he says this, as if she knows more than what she's saying, then she turns away from him quickly. "Hey, what is it?"

She shakes her head, "Nothing." She blushes and avoids eye contact. Kousei wants to press her, but reluctantly decides not to and finishes his sandwich.

"Come on," he says, standing up. "Let's practise a little longer."

* * *

Today, it's Tsubaki's turn to choose a movie to watch. It has been a week to the day since she found Kousei's letter from Kaori. A whole, awkward, week. When she would have usually slept like a log through the whole thing, Tsubaki finds herself watching with disinterested eyes. Every now and then, she looks towards the notice board, the letter hasn't been put back. Instead, there's a small empty space where a piece of the letter stuck out. Something about the exposed cork makes Tsubaki's stomach clench.

Dismissing her thoughts and trying to focus on the movie, Tsubaki brings her legs to her chin and watches the screen, still paying very little attention. _Why can't I concentrate?_ Her eyes turn to Kousei, who watches the screen without reaction, obviously not watching it either. _What's going on in his head?_ Kousei seems to notice Tsubaki staring at him and looks at her, she smiles at him and he smiles back. Not the usual, fake smile he gave even before Kaori, but, for the first time since she met him, a genuine smile from Kousei Arima. Somehow, it makes her stomach flutter more than it always did. She looks away, embarrassed. Eventually, Tsubaki feels her eyelids go heavy, the sound of the movie fading into the background.

* * *

"You sure you don't want to wake her?" Kashiwagi asks Kousei at the door, peering back inside at Tsubaki, who sleeps quietly on the couch.

"Nah, have you ever tried waking her up?" he asks, Kashiwagi shakes her head. "She'll maul you like a cat. You need to let her wake up herself." She smiles a little at that.

"Goodnight, Arima," with that, Kashiwagi leaves and Kousei shuts the door. Tsubaki sits awkwardly on the couch, smiling slightly. Kousei brings out a blanket from his cupboard and carefully lays it on her. He smiles when she unconsciously turns away, mumbling in her sleep. Checking the time, Kousei considers looking at the music sheets for the competition, but exhaustion convinces him to go to bed.

 _"Why don't you?"_ She stops him as he goes for his bedroom. She wears her hospital clothes, the same ones she wore the day before she died. Her lips are paler than they used to be, but Kousei wishes he could kiss them nonetheless, ghost or no. _"Why don't you just admit your feelings to her?"_

"My feelings?" He asks. Just seeing her without looking away fills Kousei with pain. Her apparition points at the sofa. "Tsubaki? She's like a—"

 _"Hopeless kid sister?"_ She walks up to him and places her hand on his cheek. Even though he knows she's not real, he can almost feel her skin against his, the blood running through her veins. _"You and I both know that neither of you feels that way"_ Kousei's cheeks are wet with tears.

"I can't," he manages. "I can't be happy, you proved that!" She smiles, never looking away from his eyes.

 _"Then you need to read the letter again,"_ she tells him.

* * *

When Tsubaki wakes up, the light of morning shines through the curtains and she can't find Kousei anywhere. The mess caused by Watari and his mass of sweets has been cleared up completely. Kousei's bed is empty and has been made, the photo of Kaori had been turned down so it can't be seen. On the table in front of the couch where Tsubaki slept is a note laying face up, reading: "Have to do something, won't be back for a day or two"

"What?" Tsubaki says aloud after reading the note. "Where has he gone?" She rubs the sleep from her eyes and reaches for her phone. When Kousei's phone doesn't even ring, she decides to call Watari instead.

He answers with a series of groans, "Tsubaki? What time is it?" His voice sounds quiet and dazed.

"Where's Kousei?" she responds.

"Huh? Shouldn't you know? Kashiwagi said—"

"He left me a note saying he has to do something, I don't know where he is, Watari!" She tells him. "He said he won't be back for a day or two"

"What?" he says, finally realising. "Tsubaki, his performance is tonight! Nagi will kill him!" She hadn't even considered the competition tonight and now a whole new worry has fired in her heart.

"We need to find him," Tsubaki concludes. "Do you know where he would go?"

"No clue, maybe his old home? But for what?" Watari thinks. Tsubaki chews her nails, staring at the note. _Where is he going? The last time he was this distant with his friends was when—_

Then it hits her.

Her eyes creep towards the notice board. To the empty space where Kaori's letter was hidden. _He seemed to have almost forgotten about it until I saw it._ Tsubaki thinks. _The last time he read it must have been when..._

Tsubaki breathes in sharply.

"What?" she hears Watari's voice on the other end. "Tsubaki? What is it?" For a moment, she doesn't move her eyes from the blank space on the notice board.

"We need to catch a train," she says finally. "We're bringing him back as soon as possible."

"A train?" Watari asks. "To where? I don't understand!"

"I know where he's going,"

"Where?" She stands up, grabbing whatever she brought with her.

"Kaori," she tells him. "He's going to see Kaori."

* * *

 **A/N: We're back baby! Finally, the worst writer's block of my life has been rid of! I'm so happy to have _finally_ got this chapter out, I'm ecstatic. Hopefully from now on the chapters will come out faster. By God, the feels will increase, I guarantee it! I'd hoped to get this chapter out before New Years, but there's only so much power within me. Thanks to everyone who has been patiently waiting for a new chapter, I'm so sorry for the hiatus, it's killed me. If you liked the chapter, please leave a review and let me know how I can improve! :** **)**

 **P.S. I've been toying with the idea of doing ANOTHER Your Lie In April fanfiction in which Kaori survives her operation, it seems that a lot of YLIA fanfics do this, but let me know if anybody would be interested in reading that should I move forward with it. Thanks! :)**


	6. 6: Fallout

6: Fallout

On the way, Kousei has his phone turned off out of fear that the moment a call comes through, he will turn back immediately. The letter is folded carefully and placed in one of the pockets in his bag. When he made the decision to come home, finding and placing the letter somewhere safe felt like carrying all his sorrows and replacing them on his shoulders. The bag is placed opposite him, Kousei avoids looking at it as if afraid it will catch fire.

Kousei hasn't read the letter again since the first time, he always put it off, afraid of what emotions might surface from it should he dare to peek at Kaori's handwriting once more. Outside, the sun rises, made almost pale from the cold air of the morning. A layer of frost covers the passing grass, only getting more lifeless as the train moves closer. Kousei closes his eyes, doing his best to shut down his emotions, at least for now. _This is only so I can move on._ He opens his eyes and there she is. She is dressed in the same pink skirt from the first time they met.

 _"You should have moved on the first time you read it,"_ Kaori tells him. _"That was the point."_ Kousei stares at the bag next to her, unable to look her in the eyes.

"You knew it wasn't going to be that easy," he tells her, remembering how he felt when he read it, the memory still fresh in his mind as if only made yesterday. She smiles, a hint of sadness in her beautiful eyes.

 _"How am I supposed to know what I knew?"_ she says, sitting back. _"I'm not even real. Kaori is gone, I'm just the ghost that's left."_

"You're right, I prefer the real you," he says, blinking back tears. "I wish the real you were here, not the ghost." There are a few moments of silence between the two.

 _"Do you remember the first time we met?"_ she asks, the picture appears clearly in his mind. _"You took a picture of me with my skirt up, you pervert."_ Remembering the photo, Kousei reaches for his phone. _Did I delete it?_ When it turns on, he scrolls through his photos, none of which seem to hold Kaori. _I wish I'd taken more while you were still..._

Then he sees it. He hadn't looked at it since it was taken, mostly out of for the first time since she died, Kousei is looking at Kaori's real face. Peering into her real eyes, wet with the first signs of tears. Looking into a time where everything was okay, before Kousei's heart has been torn to pieces, a time where his life is about to get happier than it has ever been, if only for a little while. The picture isn't even that perverted. The skirt is only lifted a few inches higher, moments before the wind blew harder. The sight puts tears in Kousei's eyes.

Then a mass of notifications spring up on the top of his phone, messages from Tsubaki, Watari, Nagi—everyone. He looks from them to Kaori's face over and over again, contemplating getting off at the next stop and heading home.

 _"I thought you wanted to move on?"_ Kaori asks.

After a few moments, he shuts off his phone.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Nagi. I'm going to get him back," Tsubaki pleads, trying to calm the shrill noise coming from her phone.

"YOU BETTER!" her voice yells in between a barrage of curses. "IF HE DOESN'T TURN UP, I'LL MAKE SURE HE _DOESN'T_ COME BACK." Fearful for Kousei's life, Tsubaki says goodbye to Nagi, who shouts another bombardment of insults and hangs up.

"She'll be okay," Watari tells her as she puts her phone back into her winter coat, which she has been wearing more often lately. "We just have to worry about Kousei." Tsubaki nods and looks out of the train window. Apparently, the last train departure towards the town they once lived in left the station an hour ago. The thought of being an hour's distance behind Kousei makes Tsubaki tap her foot on the ground nervously. She picks her nails as Watari leaves and returns with enough sweets to feed the two of them for three days.

"You going to take that coat off? You look like you're boiling alive." Watari asks. Remembering her coat, she quickly takes it off and stares out of the window.

"How are you not worried?" Tsubaki asks after a few minutes of awkward silence. Watari shrugs.

"I know he's going to be alright," he tells her. "But...I mean, Kaori's death...it destroyed Kousei. He doesn't show it. He hides it from everyone, even himself." Tsubaki's eyes widen, recognising his words.

"Watari..." he looks at her, a sad smile on his face. "You got a letter from Kaori too, didn't you?"

He nods. "I figured she said something like that to you too."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Tsubaki asks, her eyes welling up. Watari looks away before speaking.

"I didn't want to bring it up," he tells her. "I wanted us to move on. I don't know what she told you in your letter but..."—he shuts his eyes—"She loved him. I mean, I figured it out myself, but she told me in my letter. She thought I was better off knowing the truth. And I could tell Kousei loved her too. The way he looked at her..." He smiles.

"Watari..."

"It's okay," but it obviously isn't. As soon as he says this, Watari breaks down. He holds his face in his hands as Tsubaki sits next to him, the tears seep through Watari's fingers and drop onto the floor. He sobs as she puts her arms around him.

* * *

Here lies,

宮園 かをり

Miyazono Kaori

2000-2014

There is a set of fresh flowers at the bottom of the gravestone, no doubt left by her parents. A pang of guilt shoots through Kousei as he looks at them. _Imagine how they must feel._ Dismissing his regret, Kousei sits in the seiza position in front of the grave, doing his best not to disturb the ground above the casket. Placing his backpack on the ground, Kousei reaches inside and pulls out the pink envelope, the cat sticker is torn from the first time he read it. Pulling the letter from the envelope, he unfolds it and begins to read.

 _You're the worst._

 _Indecisive. Gullible. Twit.  
_

Those exact words have been said by Tsubaki multiple times, probably in that order too. He smiles sadly at the thought of both of them yelling at him.

 _And then I told a lie. Just one._

 _I lied and said that I, Miyazono Kaori, liked Watari Ryouta.  
_

Kousei looks away for a moment, tears welling up. _And all of this has come because of that lie. Would I have been better off without being told it?_ But the thought is quickly banished when he thinks of how much she made him happy, even when he pretended not to be. She forced him to play the piano once more, forced him to face his fear of drowning in his notes.

 _I love you_

He smiles, the tears leaving his eyes. "I love you too."

* * *

The rest of Tsubaki and Watari's train ride had been filled with an awkward silence, they both sat eating sweets and not looking at each other. When they finally reached their stop, they got off and headed straight towards the cemetery.

"Hey, umm," Watari stops her before they go through the gates. "I'm going to wait out here if that's okay." He says, his breath cooling in the air. "I don't—I don't want to see her grave again." Tsubaki nods and heads in on her own. As she walks down the frozen pathway, she can't help but look at some of the other graves, reading the names and feeling sorry for whoever was loved by these people the way Kaori was with Kousei. Eventually, Tsubaki spots a lone figure sat in front of a grave, instantly recognising it as the hunched figure of Kousei. As she gets closer, Kousei doesn't stir. Soon she is mere feet away from him, yet he still stares at Kaori's grave, which Tsubaki goes to great efforts to avoid looking at.

"Kousei..." she calls softly, but he doesn't react. Instead, he stands up, leaving his bag on the ground. He turns around and Tsubaki notices the pink letter in his hands, she can tell he's been crying from the redness around his eyes. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I needed...I needed to understand," he glances down at the letter. "I needed to understand what she wanted from me. I thought she wanted me to remember her and move on, but I...I just can't, Tsubaki." Finally, her eyes land on the grave, they scan over the words engraved into the stone.

"She didn't want _this_ ," she says, moving closer to him. "Kaori made your life colourful again, I could tell. That's what she wanted, that's _only_ what she wanted."

"No, that's not true," he stops her from carrying on. "But I get it now, I understand. She didn't want me to get over her. Like she said, she wanted to live in my heart. It took me months to close to a year to realise it, but this"—he holds up the letter—"this isn't so I can forget her, it's so I can make sure I remember her and _stay_ the way she made me." _He's right._ Tsubaki thinks, closing her eyes and smiling a little. "I loved her." She opens her eyes, surprised to hear him say it out loud. "There was a moment between us on top of the hospital roof. I wanted so badly to tell her, it hurt. And all I could think about after she died was 'why didn't I tell her'. That hurt so much more."—A tear escapes his eye—"I loved her, and she loved me, and I am _not_ going to forget that. If I did, she'd come back to haunt me."

Before he can keep talking, Tsubaki wraps her arms around him, her own tears now falling. They hold each other for a few moments.

"You can't forget her. Neither can I," she tells Kousei, still holding on to him.

"After we get back and I perform with Nagi, I need to talk to you," he says after they pull apart and begin walking away.

"Why not now?"

"Not now," he tells her, looking in her eyes. "I'm not ready yet." Tsubaki nods and they walk towards Watari, who smiles warmly at Kousei. As they walk back to the train station, none of them looks back in the direction of Kaori, and none of them regrets anything.

* * *

 **Whew! I really loved writing that chapter, it was the most fun I've had in a while, to be honest! But what does Kousei want to talk about? Will he be on time for his performance with Nagi? Follow and favourite to find out next chapter! See you next time :)**


	7. Chapter 7 Tease

**Sorry for taking so long with the next chapter. For now, enjoy this little tease!**

* * *

"Man," Watari sighs a breath of relief after Nagi's assault on their ears is stopped. "She really has some lungs on her, doesn't she?" Kousei, barely listening, analyses the music sheets over and over again on the train ride home. _Why did I leave this so late?_

"Hey," Tsubaki's voice calls from Kousei's side. She grabs his hand to stop it from shaking. "You'll be fine. You always are," she tells him. His heart leaps as she smiles at him warmly. Gulping down his panic, he turns once again to the sheet music, the notes blending together as his eyes race across the paper.


End file.
